Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
