her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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