I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
