Someone shit on the floor
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
