she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
