so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
