wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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