i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
