he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
