where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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