I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
