It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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