I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there is puke in my bra ... again
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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