and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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