Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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