soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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