He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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