Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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