I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
