You don't have asthma, your pregnant
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
