Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
