I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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