at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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