hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
