disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
