i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
