in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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