This is not my ceiling
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
