I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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