we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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