so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
