Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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