We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have tasted many bathrooms
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
