ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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