ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
