dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
