omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
