i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
