I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
