why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
