hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
