if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
