I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
