he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
