So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm both gender and math confused
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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