I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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