Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
