I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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