the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
