i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
