there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
