I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
