You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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