Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
