Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
