it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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