Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
