My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
