it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
