Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
