you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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