I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
