I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
