literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
