I CAN MOONWALK!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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