I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
