Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
