is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
