i wish my penis had a tongue
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
