You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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