and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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